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THERAPY FOR

People-Pleasing and Codependency

It's natural to want to feel that we add value to other people’s lives, to find a sense of purpose and fulfillment in relationship with others. Human connection is an important component in mental wellness, and having a compassionate, giving nature is a beautiful quality.

But some of us pour so much of our time, energy, and resources into others that we end up losing ourselves in the process. In our genuine desire to be helpful, accommodating—or just plain "nice"—we sacrifice our mental and physical health. We become experts at tending to others people's feelings and problems, but continuously struggle to get our own needs met.

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What motivates your behavior?

In the self-help classic, Codependent No More, Melody Beattie observes that two people can take the same action and in one person the behavior is codependent, while in the other person the behavior is a healthy choice. The central question is: What's the motivation behind what you're doing?

  • Are you doing something because you made a conscious choice to do it, or are you acting from guilt and obligation?

  • Are you choosing to give, or are you giving compulsively without thinking about what you're doing?

  • Are you hoping someone will like or love you more if you do something for them or prioritize their feelings?

  • Do you generally feel likable and loveable, or do you often feel the need to prove those things to other people and yourself?

  • How do you feel after prioritizing another person's needs? Do you feel comfortable with and responsible for your choices, or do you often feel resentful, used, and victimized?

People-pleasing and codependency tend to be progressive in nature. You end up on a rollercoaster of periodic highs when your worth is affirmed by external circumstances, coupled with increasing lows as this fails to fill the growing void inside.

Just as with other addictive patterns, you end up chasing a ghost—the idea that the solution to feelings of disconnection and unworthiness lives somewhere outside of you.

Here's the good news:

You are more than the sum of what you do for others.

We all have a basic need for belonging. We want to know that our existence here matters on some level. Some of us had early life experiences that led us to believe the surest way to get this need met was to always prioritize others.

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The trouble is that people-pleasing and codependency are addictive patterns, and they're not sustainable long-term:

Here's the thing:

→ We overcommit and burn out

→ We take care of others and get resentful when they don't reciprocate

→ We attract people who take advantage of our generous nature

→ We get trapped in a toxic relationship or toxic work environment

→ We worry ourselves sick over people in our lives who aren't doing what they can to better their own situation

Your feelings matter, too.

Your thoughts matter, too.

Your time matters, too.

Your needs matter, too.

And beneath this cycle, you still reside.​​

It's time to reclaim your sense of self.

Your body holds innate wisdom about your personal needs, values, and boundaries. This wisdom is the key to living authentically in every role, every relationship, every area of your life.

I'm here to help you learn your system's language and tap into that wisdom.

In therapy, we’ll take a holistic approach and explore the various factors that often play into people-pleasing and codependent tendencies, including:

  • Current and past relationship dynamics

  • Gender roles and expectations

  • Work environment and other lifestyle factors

  • Self-esteem and other mental health concerns

  • Childhood and cultural messaging

  • The impact of wounding experiences or other traumatic events

Together, we will:

  • Get to know the situations and relationship dynamics that trigger your people-pleasing and codependent tendencies

  • Explore self-talk and expectations that keep you stuck in the codependent cycle

  • Identify your personal needs and develop healthy ways to meet them

  • Strengthen your communication skills to help you set and maintain healthy boundaries

  • Enhance your interoceptive skills (the mind-body connection) to help you channel your energy and resources effectively

Wondering if codependency applies to you?

Ready to take the

next step 

?

Frequently Asked Questions

ABOUT THERAPY FOR PEOPLE-PLEASING AND CODEPENDENCY

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I noticed you offer a free 15-minute consultation. Is this required to start therapy?

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Is there a difference between people-pleasing and codependency?

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How do I know if I'm codependent?

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I feel like caring about others is a good thing. Why do people talk about codependency like it's a problem?

Still have questions?

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